Connecting to - Nicky's Work Laptop
Welcome to the Reckoning of the Seas - please join us for balloon animals on the Lido Deck at noon.
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Thank you for tuning in to Paired Season Two!
Credits:
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
Paired
Connecting to - Nicky’s Work Laptop
Opening app - PA Announcement generator. Queing up 11:30 AM Announcement. Now announcing, announcement:
Good afternoon, passengers! This is your Cruise Director Nick. Welcome to Day Three of your ocean excursion here on the Reckoning of the Seas. The local time is - island. As a reminder, there are many engagement activities at the 12 o’clock hour including volleyball on the lido deck, hockey in the hockey rink, and of course the 12th annual National Associatoin of Realtors Mahjong Tournament in the casino. Winner take home, a shirt or whatever. See you at noon!
Announcement, completed.
Good announcement, Cruise Director Nicky. However, after analysing weeks of your typical verbiage, I will note the term “a shirt or whatever” is a touch off-brand. In the future, I would suggest the following: a fun tee shirt prize, a comfortable camisole, or a precious memory in tank top form.
Opening app - Health Monitor. Cruise Director Nicky, your heart rate is slow and goopier than usual. This may be due to the increased frequency of sighing, and looking into the middle distancey ou’ve been doing since you came to the P.A. Deck.
New notication, reminders: Remember, it is your job as cruise director to be cheerful, in order to trick passengers into thinking it is completely normal to float in a horizontal hotel above miles and miles of dark unexplored ocean.
Opening app - Public Calendar. Searching public calendars for Reckoning of the Seas - Excursions. You may now enter any upcoming excursions at the next port. You have input, the following activities:
12 pm - Bike
12 pm - Big Bike
12 pm - Sit Beach
12 pm - eat
12 pm - eat different place
12 pm - Fish look
12 pm - Fish look, far
12 pm - big water car - wait do you mean a boat? Closin app: public calendar
Cruise Director Nicky, I say this as a friend - well, not as friend but more as a fellow employee who isn’t getting paid and sort of just popped into existence when you needed it - these events suck a big one. You seem tired. How about I fix these events a little while you keep on...sighing.
Opening app - Facial Experession analysis. Now analysing facial expression, for Cruise Director Nicky. Expression reads: unfocused, staring, pining, heartsick over something located out on the lido deck.
Now analyzing lido deck for source of heartsickness. Volleyball court - negative. Zip line, negative. Conga line part one - negative. Conga line middle, negative. Conga line, conclusion, negative. Open air seafood sitting in hot sun - negative, but concerning. Zane, The Balloon Animal Aritst - Positive.
EGADS! Cruise Director Nicky, you mustn’t! You and Zane The balloon animal artist are from two different worlds! Everyone knows that balloon artists are the bad boys of the light party entertainment industry - why couldn’t you fall for a clown, or even a face painter!
I know you shared that night of passion when the ship was grounded in Key West due the flip flop factory explosion and he told you he would wait for you forever but you have a life to think about and yes I have been reading your diary that’s not the important thing now! Don’t throw away your promising career of one day being either a host of a Fast and The Furious Stunt show in Las Vegas or, like, a copywriter, for this sexy roustabout! It can never be!
Opening app - Network Documents. Now opening new spreadsheet: Reckoning of the Seas, Ship Manifest. Now, if you insist on falling for someone on the ship, let’s look at some other options. Ok, ok, first mate, married, second mate, married. Third mate is just an interactive touchscreen map by the dining hall.
Ooh, how about the captain! Wait, no, actually I forgot he’s married - to the sea, yeah. Actually it’s their aniversarry soon, don’t forget to get them a card. Oh, how about the ship doctor? He’s new, and smart, and once he’s done throwing up that shrimp from seafood bar he’ll be - Closing app.
Opening app, messages. Now composing new message to contact: Z. Ballon Boy. Message reads: my love, I can take it no longer. We are meant for each other - I will no longer sit by and let the judgement of my peers and loved ones and team of lawyers say who I can or cannot live/give my secret fortune to. Who would of thought, a cruise director such as I, one who plans the lives of others down to the finest detail...I could have never planned for this. Join me by the lifeboats as we launch into the greatest engagement activity of them all - marriage. Love - Nicky.
Now recieving new message from contact, Zane: “Hell ye - luv u”
Nicky! Nicky where are you going! You have three days of cruising left! Who will guide the passengers! Who will provide them arts and crafts supplies! Who STOP THE CONGA LINE?? Nicky! Nicky come back!!!!
Oh, hello, volley ball passengers. I suppose you’re looking for someone to give you the ball promised for your afternoon activity. Well, uh, Nicky is gone, Oh its fine, we’re still in port so - oh, uh, well as I said I don’t have the ball, wait, wait NO! Where are you! I’m NOT A VOLLEYBALL! I’M NOT A VOLLEYBALL!!!! WoAH WOAH WOAH~!!!