Connecting to - Maria's Phone
Welcome to a productive day. We're going to have a day of productivity. Time to get excited for all the productive activities we will do today.
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Thank you for tuning in to Paired Season Two!
Credits:
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
Paired
Connecting to - Maria’s phone
Opening app - Apartment Organizer. Your space...your life. Organizined.In order to maximize your space, we will now identify inefficiencies in your current furnishings. Now examining, apartment layout.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 7 feet to the west.
Opening app - Music. Now shuffling playlist: Spring Cleaning. You have opened this playlist, 15 times this week, for a total play time of - less than five minutes.
This is the day, Maria! Today is the day we clean! Scrub a dub and so on! Spring a time to remove things from the home - clothes, dust, feelings! Leave only empty spaces, ready to bear new items, and new feelings, and new, GOOD dust.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 4.5 feet to the west.
Now closing playlist, Spring cleaning.
Opening app: search. New search inquiry: animal shelters in my area. Refine search: Animal shelters comma, immediate adoption. First search result - 21st Street Animal Care. You have visited this site - 51 times.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 3 feet to the south.
Maria, I know the small versions of the bigger animals are cute, but I must note that your screetime tracker indicates that when this particular page is opened it halts nearly all productivty on your other various apps-
Opening page: Our Furry Friends
Meet Tobias - Tobias is a 2 year old sheltie mix. Call Tobias a thief, because he’ll steal your heart. PS. Tobias has also been recently indicted for securities fraud.
Meet Gracie - Gracie is a one year old long hair tuxedo cat. Gracie will not hold it against you if you don’t take her home. She knows she’s emotionally witholding. Gracie needs to be okay with herself before she can be ok with anyone else.
Meet Dane - Dane is a month-old beagle puppy. Dane was adopted three weeks ago. Of course he was, what are you even thinking trying to adopt Dane. You don’t deserve Dane. Get over yourself.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 5 feet to the South.
Opening app: search. New search inquiry: “How big is the ocean?” The entirety of the world’s ocean measures 139.7 million square miles.
….so. You gonna do anything with that? No? Just gonna sit there? Just knowing about the ocean. Cool.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 6.78 feet to the east.
I’m just saying it’s sort of disrespectful of MY time you know? Like, if we’re just gonna look things up all night, like, I’ll go get you an encyclopedia. I’ve got things going on. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. I heard, “What things?” THINGS, MARIA.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 5 feet to the east.
Opening app: Dominicks’ Pizza Emporium. Mamma mia, time for a nice pizza. Welcome to Dominick’s Pizza Emporium App. Dominick’s Pizza Emporium welcomes you to the app, an app that was made for Dominick’s Pizza Emporium. Dominick’s is excited to dive into the world of app-based pizza delivery. Through this app, Dominick’s Pizza Emporium will now be able to recieve orders for Domincks’ pizza emporium, via the Dominicks’ pizza emporium app. Press the button below to begin your Dominicks’ Pizza emporium Order
You selected, one large piz-this version Dominicks Pizza Emporium app is not currently accepting pizza orders. Please update the app to access the ability to place a pizza order at Dominck’s Pizza Emporium
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 3 feet to the east.
Navigating to previous page: 21st Street animal care, Our Furry Friends.
Meet Danerys: We tried to change the name of this loveable calico kitten last year, but she expressed how difficult it would be to get her name changed on her Drivers License, so we let it be.
Meet Dog: Dog is a cat. This ironic juxtaposition seemed funny at first, but it has prevented Dog from getting adopted and we are now quite literally begging you to take him. He’s extremely cruel.
Meet Kevin S. - Kevin S. is our office manager. We put his picture up here as a joke, but have actually recieved a lot of offers to adopt Kevin. It is very amusing! Please stop asking now, though. You cannot have Kevin S
Meet Dog: We’re serious. Please take him. Dog ruins our lives every day.
Meet Kevin S. - Listen, if you take dog, we’ll give you Kevin S. please. For the love of god, please.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 3 feet to the north.
New notification - app: Dominicks’ Pizza Emporium has finished updating. Opening app: Dominicks’ Pizza Emporium. Mamma mia, time for a nice pizza. Welcome to Dominick’s Pizza Emporium App. We regret to inform you that in the time it took to update the Dominick’s Pizza emporium app, Dominick’s Pizza Emporium has decided to discontinue producition of pizza. The Dominicks’ Pizza Emporium will now be connected with the new associated business, Dominick’s Over-50 Love Connection, a dating app for the mature restaurant owner. Domin-CLOSING APP.
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 5 feet to the west.
Maria. Hey Maria.Maria. Mariaaaaaaa. I know that its one of those days. Right? I have thse kinds of days all the time. Where I’m supposed to clean out my memory but bleh, am I right?
But! Buuuuuuut. I’m going to be a little mom bot here. I don’t think your gloom will be alleviated by puppy pictures and the pizza mans new dating life or searching facts that make you feel like a little speck on the top of a pin on top of a whale.
There’s a lot to do! I know the list of things seems way too big! You can’t do it all today! But...maybe just...do a thing! Or decide to do nothing, that’s ok too. But y’know...choose, so that way you won’t make yourself feel bad.
Now opening calendar app! Now entering new deadlines for creative projects!
Now opening messenger app! Now composing new messag to: friends and family.
Now opening app: Music! Opening playlist! Spring Cleaning! We’re doing it Maria! We’re doing it!
Space inefficiency detected. Furniture item - bookcase, will be more effective if placed - 3 feet to the west.
Bookcase has achieved - ideal space efficiency.
That’s exactly where it started, huh.
Wanna go back to bed? Yup. Ok.