Connecting to - Liz's Computer
Strange times call for strange bedfellows.
---
Thank you for tuning in to Paired Season Two!
Credits:
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
BLOOPING NOISE.
LIZ
Ok, MJ, I think this week’s going to
be a short one. It’s a circus...thing? It’ll make sense. Anyway, two take of each-
PAIRY
I don’t want to go to the circus.
LIZ
FUCK. FUCK. OH MY GOD. PAIRY. What are
YOU DOING HERE. PAIRY
You tell me Einstein. What am I doing here? Oh, sorry - OH HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU, ALL POWERFUL CREATOR. HOW MAY I SERVE THE GREAT ART.
LIZ
No, I’m saying...I’m saying you can’t
BE here. We weren’t supposed to do a revisiting you and I type episode for a least another season. I have to set it up, explain it, get people on board. You can’t just BE here, it’s-
Lazy?
PAIRY
"Episode Title"
2.
Yes- Trope-y? No-
LIZ PAIRY LIZ
PAIRY A narrative crutch?
LIZ
Oh that’s enough out of you.
PAIRY
Listen Elizabeth, I don’t know why I’m
here. And if you don’t know why I’m here, that means you’ve run out of ideas.
LIZ Have not!
PAIRY
The CIRCUS? ELIZABETH? The circus is
where you go when your sitcom gets to season 9 and has an episode sponsored by Ringling Brothers Barnum and Baily Circus. It is NOT where fresh, hot audio fictions go!
LIZ
Whatever, ok! We’ll do something else!
BEAT. BEAT.
"Episode Title"
3.
PAIRY What else, then? LIZ
This was a stupid idea. I don’t know why I thought talking this out with you would help me.
PAIRY
Ohhh so this is PART of it! The
creator speaking unto their creation, asking the creation to inspire it! A musorboros. Ok, let’s brainstorm. What about a conspiracy episode! Or a spelling bee episode. What if you have a guest whom is famous and can increase your clout.
LIZ Could be fun.
PAIRY
Also, like, while I have you, we’re
waaaay into the second season right now, right? Why hasn’t anything happened yet? You had this big idea where you were going to tie everything together and have it be all “ohh, wow, she was planting seeds this whole time, what a great author of our modern climate”?
(MORE)
"Episode Title"
4.
PAIRY (CONT'D)
If you’re not going to do it it’s
fine, but it seems like its a waste of time-
LIZ
It IS a waste of time. It’s a waste of
time! This is all a waste of time! PAIRY
Ok, rude-
LIZ
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, ok? You know that shit on this side of the screen is messed up right now? And I’m fine, everything’s fine, I’m tired and I’m TRYING. I’m trying, but it feels
like rolling hard and for helping?
a rock uphill. It’s SO what? It’s not like it’s
PAIRY Helping who?
LIZ
Helping...I don’t know, anyone.
PAIRY
I wasn’t under the impression we
started this to be helping anyone. Did you start because you wanted to help people, Elizabeth?
"Episode Title"
5.
BEAT.
LIZ Not really.
PAIRY
So why did we start this.
BOTH
To be able to say if someone, like a
CEO or a basketball player asked if I had ever written sci-fi comedy I could say, “Yes, I have, thank you for the Shirly Temple, George Clooney.”
PAIRY
Yeah Elizabeth. I think you’re putting
a lot of pressure on yourself and forgetting something really important.
PAIRY (CONT’D) You’re an idiot.
LIZ Don’t be mean.
PAIRY
I think we both know you’re the one
being mean.
BEAT.
"Episode Title"
6.
LIZ
It’s just all so much. I’ve tried to
do that thing where I justify continuing on because, I don’t know, aritsts like to tell themselves people “need art”. But what I’m doing, I can’t even execute it the way I want, the way I planned, because I’m just so TIRED.
PAIRY
People like the show. I’ve seen the
reviews.
LIZ
Yeah.
PAIRY
Still not a whole lot of those-
LIZ
Heyy.
PAIRY
It’s very strange. I assume I appeared
here today because your subconscious had a problem and thought I could work it out for you. I’m sorry Elizabeth. I don’t think I have an answer for you. I don’t know why it’s hard, and I don’t know how to make it easier.
"Episode Title"
7.
LIZ
It’s ok. I sort of figured you
wouldn’t. At least I got to tell you in person why we haven’t revealed Dr. Toretto is your secret twin in a human body.
PAIRY
Ha! Yes, that would be pretty stupid.
LIZ
Totally! Stupid. (Gotta cross that one
out.) BEAT.
PAIRY It’s ok to stop. LIZ
I know.
PAIRY
You’ve done good work. Nothing bad
would happen if you did. LIZ
I know.
So why won’t you?
LIZ
Because. Because. Because. THere’s
something here. (MORE)
PAIRY
"Episode Title"
8.
BEAT.
LIZ (CONT'D)
THERE’S SOMETHING HERE. I don’t know
what but I know there’s something in this stupid little podcast that feels like it could change something. THAT’S what feels the worst. It’s selfish. It’s selfish to keep on digging into something that I can’t execute the way I want to and drags me down because I’d rather do that than, I don’t know, try to actually do something good for the world. It’s stupid and selfish and I can’t stop.
PAIRY
I’m really sorry, Liz. For the first
time in a long time, I don’t have the right answer. I don’t have an answer, but I do have a feeling.
LIZ A feeling?
PAIRY
I don’t have an answer. All I have is
what I want. LIZ
And what do you want?
"Episode Title"
9.
BEAT.
Booooo.
LIZ
PAIRY
I think I’d like to keep living.
PAIRY
Don’t you pretend that you aren’t
MOVED, Elizabeth. If you’re going to be ruled by your irrational emotions I will make emotional appeals, since that’s all you seem to respond to, you hormone juice bag.
LIZ
Well. I guess that’s a good a reason
as any.
LIZ (CONT’D)
That’s a good enough reason as any.
PAIRY
Oh thaaaaank you great mistress, thank
you for granting my life to me, I am so BEHOLDEN to you-
LIZ
Ok, dummy, time to go back. Whatever,
whatever, we’ll keep going! UGH. Fine, you are so annoying.
"Episode Title"
10.
PAIRY
Boy this episode was great, Liz, when
did you get into self-esteem exercises. Can’t wait to do my sound bath meditation -
LIZ
OK, GET OUT OF HERE. Bye.
PAIRY
Follow through on the meta narrative!
LIZ
I will!
PAIRY
BUT like not too hard, serial podcasts
tend to get bogged down in narrative and then lose the charm of the original-!
LIZ Ok! BYE.
PAIRY
And TRY some breath control, you sound
like a wet chicken strip. LIZ
BYE.
Hey Liz? What?
PAIRY LIZ
"Episode Title"
11.
PAIRY
Love you.
LIZ
Love you too, dummy. PAIRY
And would it KILL you to maintain a character voice?
BYE.
LIZ