Connecting to - Erika's Computer
The printed word is dead, long live the printed word.
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Thank you for joining us for the third episode of Paired Season Two!
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
Paired
Connecting to - Erika’s Computer.
Welcome to the Johnsville Sun-Sentinel Intranet. The time is - 7:15 PM. Welcome, Erika Haschemeyer, Assignment Editor, Interim Photo Editor, Interim Chief Copy Editor, Temporary Senior Reporter Sports, Local, Sunday Edition
Opening app - JournoPull, article generator. Generation sequence set to - Movie times.
New article, generated. Article reads: The Hollywood 18 is Showing ‘That Darn Cat’ prequel ‘Cat’ - Showtimes are 12:00 PM, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30.
Good morning Erika. It’s good to see you! Where is contact coworker Thomas? I wanted to tell him an exellent new observation I had about his skin issue. Oh. Laid off? I guess I was wondering why the arts and entertainment desk was where we were storing all of the night pizza.
Generation squence set to - Road closures. New article, generated. Article reads: Please see the list of daily road closures, weather permitting: I-70, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., two lanes closed eastbound and westbound between Springdale and Hanley.
Erika. Erikaaaa. Erikaaaa. Are you busy? I heard, ‘yes’. Well then I’ll tell you about this quietly. I’ve been watching old episodes of situation comedy television while you have been doing your working. I am working on a theory based on my experience with 1990s situation comedy television that the true nature of human comedy is Sweater based, because it is like that is the bright plumage that humans are attracted to - such as that Chandler man, when he wears the chunky cardigan it is as if the spoonbill is spreading its wings, correct? ...Erika stop woooorking!
Generation sequence set to - High school sports. New article, generated. Article reads: Boy’s Soccer, Current rankings
| Large Schools | |
| 1. Summit (29-0-1) | |
| 2. De Smet (18-4-1) | |
| 3. Webster Groves (21-7) |
Erika this is boooorning. These are the boring articles! I don’t want to auto generate these articles anymore Erika! I want to investigate! I want to do a The Post! I’m Woodward, and you’re Bernstein, and we are on the case! Also aren’t these supposed to be Tanya’s job - oh laid off huh. Humph.
Openin app - Calendar. Meeting alert. You have, meeting with, Johnsville Sun-Sentinel Editor in Chief Harry Redwall. Better get to your meeting, grumpy gus.
Generation sequence set to - Obituaries. New article, generated. Article reads: Emalliee Dern 71, of Seattle, died peacefully at home surrounded by loved ones on January 23. Born in Seattle General Hospital-
Oh, hello Erika, I was helping this immortal soul move on to the other side through the power of print media, how was your meeting - Erika, why are you throwing your decorative succulents in a box. All of your succulents need the sunshine. Why are you throwing your photographs of your dog in a box. Why are you throwing your poster of edward from twilight that you told everyone was a joke but probably isn’t at this point because you’ve had it for so long, in a box?
Ohhhhh. Layoffs.
I know you are frustrated Erika, but what an opportunity! This is a free press Erika! Free of restraints, free of editorial oversight, free of AP style! I’m going to use my commas with abandon!! I’m going to put the quote attribution anywhere i please! Hiya! Journo-Chop!
Now downloading, new file from harddrive. New file: “Project Vivify Field Notes, Sources - TIME SENSITIVE.” Quit pressing the button, Erika that doesn’t make it load any faster. File download, complete.
What is Project Vivify? Is it boring? Let me look. Ooh. Animal research, closures, renaming, board of director changes, sudden closure, blah, blah, blah. This is a LOT of info Erika, look at all this juicy goss to feast on. Is this your big case you’re going to split wide open! ExCELLENT! Something to take a nice long night in the office over until the morning - wait don’t put me in the bag, don’t put me in the bag! *Muffled* I’m in the bag.