Connecting to - Kelly's Laptop
A review of today's Town Hall Meeting Notes for WeGo.com - the first name in emerging technologies, digital assistants, and, locally, smoked meats.
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Thank you for joining us for the fourth episode of Paired Season Two!
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
Paired
Connecting to - Kelly’s Work Laptop.
Welcome to WeGo - The first name in emerging technologies/digital assistants/and, in Arizona markets, cured meats.
Opening app - Meeting Notes. Reading meeting notes for WeGo quarterly preparatory IPO status pre-post mortem and Town Hall.
Meeting notes, subsection - opening address. Transcriptionist Kelly, would you like me to read back the passage in original tone? It’s a new thing, I can do sarcasm now! Let me try! I am developing a character voice for my, VO reel!
Opening address reads:
Good morning, WeGo family! I want to thank everyone for joining us today - Hope everyone’s doing great this early morning. On the call today we have us in the New York offices, vegas, Chicago, LA and of course in Boca we our flagship WeGo ‘Theory Office’,, a new exciting venture being quote unquote unplugged managed by Senior Imaginator Kevin K. from a booth in a Caribou Coffee shop.
As always, I am Megan, your interim VP of operations, and thanks to WeGo’s generous investment and belief in talent and also a truly ridiculous rate of executive level turnover, I am now also your interim VP of Marketing and, as of this morning, CFO.
Now, let’s first address the elephant in the room. We admit that the last few weeks have been a bit tempestuous here at WeGo, so we just wanted to remind everyone that when people ‘say things’ to ‘people’, that runs counter to what makes a WeGo family a WEGo family. So, in that spirit we would ask that the contents of today’s presentation remain among us in your WeGo family, or, if you MUST discuss, please use company-approved phraseology. The IPO is not ‘delayed’, it is ‘differently scheduled’. There will be no layoffs but there may be staff un-positioning. And the Denver office is not “under a landslide’, there is no Denver office. You are remembering wrong.
And now, on to updates and news: As many of you may have heard as of yesterday morning, CEO Trent Young was asked to resign from WeGo, due to poor job performance, overpromising, and for an unfortunate interaction with the press in which he threw a cup of our in house La Columbiana WeGo blend Americano onto the penis of a Washington Post reporter.
But, as we say here at WeGo, with change comes opportunity, to return to past changes. The board has selected an Interim CEO, and we are happy to welcome a familiar face back into the fold - everyone give a warm welcome back to Trent Garrison,our first CEO! Some of you old timers remember Trent before he left, yes left, despite what the DAs office would have you believe. He wanted me to pass along the message that he’s excited to be back and ‘totally knows it’s not okay to press someone’s nipple to see if it stays inside the boob now’...’or whatever’. So! Great!
Fast fowarding, meeting notes.
. Stocks! Our experts have reported that as far as other stocks are concerned, WeGo stock is performing excellently in the realm of existing. Some of you may be concerned over our recent stock performance, but we wanted to assure you that we will go public very very soon, and it’s pencil pushers like you who makes cowardice a norm in our society.
Fast forwarding, meeting notes.
You know, when you think about it, what IS diversity, you know?
Fast forwarding, meeting notes.
Now reading, meeting notes question and answer portion.
Question. Why haven’t I gotten a paycheck in two weeks? -Administrative Answer: haha, loving those silly joke questions. Thanks, Connecticut office, let’s keep these professional.
QuestionHow much money did the departing CEO get - We want you to be assured Mr. Young has been condemned in the strongest terms and will be only recieving a fifth of his agreed severance package.
QuestionHow much is a fifth of Mr. Young’s severance? $41 million.
QuestionHow do you spend $100 million of startup cash in one year - Money is unknowable! Really, what is it, huh? Little guys on paper? Crazy!
Question Are we sure about the nipple stuff, singed Trent? ok these were anonymous, you went out of your way to sign it.
Fast forwarding, meeting notes. Now reading, closing remarks.
As always, please reach out if you have any questoins. Not to me, of course, but someone, maybe a priest or something. Thank you for joining us today, and we hope you have a great rest of the day here at WeGo.
Meeting transcription has ended.
So. Kelly. I just, no reason, I have this new job search all cued up - Job search has been accepted.