Connecting to - Austin's Laptop
Thank you for letting me audition for your pop-punk band. I have included my curriculum vitae and three professional references.
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Thank you for tuning in to Paired Season Two!
Credits:
Creator/Writer/Producer - Liz Anderson
Editor - MJ
Cover Art - Adrian Theuma
Paired - Connecting to: Austin’s Laptop.
Opening file: Auditions, comma, bassist. This file contains, 25 video recordings.
Opening App: Audio Transcriptions /User Austin, would you like me to transcribe today’s bassist auditions for easy searchability? I imagine you do not wish to waste any more time, as you spent 10.57 hours today listening to players slap and thunk that sticky funk. Audition Transcriptions have been accepted.
Now generating transcriptions. THis may take a moment. A good opportunity to - new notification from calendar app. Recurring event - Salinate septum piercing. No, not that one, the other one. Do not sigh at me Austin, piercing maitenance is the most rock and roll thing you can do.
Transcriptions have now been completed. Would you like me to begin reading back today’s auditions? Readback has been accepted.
Transcription for - Audition #1
Hello, thank you for letting me audition today for your pop-punk band. I have been listening to you play in this garage from across the street for several months now, and with great confidence, I can say I would be a great asset to your pop punk band. As you can see by my cover letter - what was that? You did not read my cover letter? THat is ok, I am happy to read it to better illuminte my work experience.
This is very unprofessional, I worked very hard to be properly prepared for this audition. I asked my father who runs a professional coaching school how best format my resume to appeal to your band sensibilites. Take my resume. Take my resume. Take-thank you for taking my resume.
I will now play for your my sample, which will illuminate my skill set on the bass guitar as requested in your listing.
Now here is my sample. I will be playing Vidincated, By Dashboard confessional, from the 2004 film spider man 2. Bumdeedadduggm
Readback cancelled.
Now reading - Transcription for - Audition 2.
Yo. Uh, yeah, I play bass. And I saw, uh, I, uh, yeah, um. I think. What I would bring to the band is. Uh. Well the bass. Yeah, uh. Its my bass so don’t have to borrow it. Um. I’m 17 but people say I look old, so i guess that I can pretend to be someone’s mom if someone like gets caught vaping or whatever. Uh. What? Plans? Uh, well I’m going to college in Idaho next year, yeah they have a good Physical Therapy program, but i think you guys could totally tag along if you wanted. Cool. yah. Uh huh. Yup. Yeah.
Cool, so my sample is gonna be uh, something close to my um heart. THis is Vidincated, By Dashboard confessional, from the 2004 film spider man 2. Bumdeedadduggm
Readback cancelled
Now reading Transcription for Audition 3.
Come ‘round, fair bandmates. Ay, future bandmates perhaps? I shall tell you a tale most foul but in a way most inspiriational - the tale of how I came to be a bassist most profound, yea, dare i say it? A bassist most skilled in the arts of….pop punkery.
One one fair eve, when I had borrowed my sisters car because she didn’t have piano lessons that day, I pulled into the high scohol parking lot at susnet, in order to nostalgically relfect on this small town and how I yearn to be free, as you do. And yea this night, what did I see? A spectre in the distance, a ghost of lost love? Nay! It was a dog! A haggard looking dog, and yet hungry in a way that I empathized with. YEs, little dog, I hungered for something as well..adoration? Fame? Acceptance? I walked out of my car to commune with this magical creature, bringing with me a bag of Combos as a peace offering with what was surely to become my familiar. I broached, quietly, quietly, oh so quietly. I held out my hand….what wonderous adventures this dog and I would go on, in mere moments? I reached, I reached….
And that is how a coyote ate four of the five fingers on my right hand. A sorry tale indeed, but most relevant to our purposes, because I as a result have become the greatest bassist you have ever met! What was that? A sample! How can one reduce one’s art to a mere sample? Can you take in a rainbow by consuming a single hue? An ocean for a single wave? I am insulted, but I will oblige.
I will now play my sample - I will be playing Vidincated, By Dashboard confessional, from the 2004 film spider man 2-
Readback cancelled. Now opening transcription search. Now searching all 25 files for phrase: “Vindicated, by Dashboard confessional, from the 2004 film spider man 2”. The phrase: “Vindicated by Dashboard confessional, from the 2004 film spider man 2” appears - in 100% of audition transcriptions., a total of 54 times.
Opening app, messages: Sending new message to contact Adriana. Message reads; Do u wanna just break up the band.
Recieving new message: yea, lets just do that
Sending message: C u in homeroom
New message: smell u later
Sending message: byeeeeeee